October 20, 2011 § 4 Comments
The day was supposed to work out differently than it has, which is to say the tractor was not supposed to end up stuck beyond all possible means of self-extraction, under circumstances that are so wretchedly self-inflicted I can only laugh at my own stupidity. Learning, learning… always learning.
The time spent mucking about with the loutish machine is time I cannot spare, or at least perceive I cannot spare. Of late, I have not done a particularly good job of striking a healthy balance between paying work, the farm, and my family, and the result is the sense that I can’t quite get on top of my life, that things have developed their own chaotic momentum, leaving me with little choice but to hang on until I reach the bottom of my list of commitments.
If it sounds like I’m complaining, I don’t mean for it to. This is chaos that, like the miring of our tractor, is entirely of my own doing and is in its own way enjoyable. Each and every project on my plate feels like an opportunity, rather than a burden, and it is only when they are gathered into a whole that it sometimes feels like I’m carrying more than I should.
I’ve been to this place before, both in regards to the tractor, and the fickle balance of my life. I’m not sure if I should find this comforting (hey, I got through it then; I’ll get through it now) or dispiriting (I’m still doing this shit?!?).
Hell with it. I’m just going to choose one. And I choose “comforting.”